Farewell.

Her funeral was today. Yesterday at her wake, around 350 people showed up. Today, for her funeral we had around 150 people. The crowd was so large that we had to have 5 police escorts and what normally is a 10-15 minute drive to the cemetery took 40 minutes.

I had been doing good with not crying too much, but when I saw her brothers break down and start crying I broke down myself. Shit, just writing about it makes me start crying again.

Someone asked about the flags on her casket. Those were the two flags she had attached to her scooter. It wasn’t planned for them to be on the casket spray, but when her husband put them there they just fit so perfectly and we left them there.

My heart feels so heavy. I know it’s better for her to die now than later. One of her greatest fears was that she would become bed-ridden and be a burden to people. Our family is so independent that being an invalid to many of us is worse than death. And she was in so much pain.

Still, I miss her. I miss her so much.

I know I should probably go to work tomorrow, but at this current point in time I’m not really feeling up to it. I know my aunt is going (I work where she works), but that doesn’t do much to reassure me into going. If I do go, I’ll probably come in later and work half a day or something.

Oh, and while off topic, it was nice to hear some people say they noticed I’ve lost some weight. I’ve been trying and it’s been coming off slowly. It’s nice that someone noticed, though. If I could lose some boobage, I’d be in good shape, hehe!

In Loving Memory

This post is dedicated in loving memory to my Aunt Susan, who passed away Tuesday morning after a long battle with cancer. She was 56 years old. May she forever rest easy now.

We love you and will miss you always, Aunt Susie.

Mother's Day Crawfish Boil

Here’s some pictures from our Mother’s Day get-together that was at one of my aunt’s house.

Yum!

My youngest half-brother, Alex—Age 7.

Other half-brother, Christopher—Age 15 on August 13^th.

My grandfather.

Together.

Proper Crawfish Holding Technique.

Life Like Lemonade

Today one of my aunts called me and woke me up asking me if I could run to the store real quick and get my Aunt Susie some bed pads and bring them to her house before she and the rest of my great-aunts get there. So, I throw on my clothes and run to the nearest CVS to pick them up.

I don’t think I’ve posted about my Aunt Susie here before, so here’s a little background. She is my great-aunt, firstly—my grandmother’s sister. Anyway. She’s been battling cancer for 7-8 years now. It started as breast cancer (yes, I’m one of those now that totes around a pink ribbon) and after 3 years went into remission. Then, a few years back, when she went in for a check up the doctors discovered it had spread to her liver. Recently (close to Memorial Day and my birthday), she went in for another check-up and was complaining of headaches. They admitted her to the hospital immediately and several tests later, they find she has 8 tumors in her brain.

Since then, she has gone downhill very rapidly. They did some radiation treatments for the brain tumors, but the cancer in her liver has spread so much that her liver is now starting to shut down.

Most of the time I push these thoughts from my mind and I feel rather hollow. But today, when I saw her being pushed into the house in her wheelchair, hair falling out, barely able to move or speak ... I felt myself wanting to break down. I bit my tongue and held it in, since we’re a strong family and we don’t want to cry in front of her. But stars, it was so hard ... So hard. Even as I type this now I feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. It’s becoming painfully obvious she doesn’t have much longer.

Different topic ...

Last month I bought a skirt that I just fell in love with. Now, really, I’m not much of a skirt girl, but there was just a certain je ne sais quoi about this certain skirt that I adored. And of course, since I bought the skirt, I had to buy matching shoes. They’re lovely as well. It seems when I put this skirt on, some hidden alter ego of Rowan comes to surface. Sassy and flirtatious and girly. And I like it! Honestly, I need to find more excuses to wear my skirt. I feel silly wearing it to work or running to the local Wal-Mart. So, what does this mean? I need to go on more dates! Haha!

After I get Seamus back to the US, I will certainly be doing more travelling. My best friend is moving to California (San Francisco to be exact) to go to grad school at Berkeley, so I predict I will be making flights to the west coast here and there. And I have some friends in PA I’d like to visit. Ah yes, and a plethora of friends in Europe I need to see as well.

My life right now is like lemonade with only a little sugar. Bitter sweet. It’s all right, though. All things in moderation.

Up, Up, Up!

I’ve been spending most of my days working, it seems. Really, it’s good, because I can certainly use the money! I can say I feel happier now than I have felt in a long time—it’s certainly a great feeling. Things aren’t perfect by any means, but they’re getting better. The future holds limitless possibilities.

I’m saving money so that in November or so I can go back to Finland and bring Seamus home. After that, I don’t think I will be going to Finland much anymore. Next year, however, I hope to travel to at least one new country, maybe even two—finances and job willing. I’m just working on enjoying things as much as possible these days!

Things are really starting to look up!

How have all of you been doing?